My Fluffy Pillows

 

A Little Piece of Heaven

Yes, this is one of the suckiest colour combination (besides yellow and purple) in my opinion.

I present to you my secondary school CCA t-shirt!
























The colour of the hanger just gory-fys the feast of colours.


Let's take a closer look.
























Zoom x1





















Zoom x2


























Zoom x3


As you can see, this shirt is on its way to attain nirvana

It's hole-ly! Get it?

I don't even know why I'm letting everyone on this embarrassing detail.

Well, maybe my point is that these school t-shirts should be apprehended by the fashion police because they are of lousy quality and design.

Ok. I'm really blabbering gibberish thoughts.

You know, sometimes you just kinda feel lousy because of what you are wearing.

No points for guessing what I have on right now, at home, in front of the computer.

PS: I DON'T/ WON'T wear that shirt out of my house, even if I just have to go down to open the letterbox.

 
 

Test

I'm gonna be a cam whore for once!!! Just once!!! Super cam whore!!!

In case you are wondering, I did not do up this collage for myself. My sis did it for me cos she loves me so much (as u can c from the way she labeled the file) that she had to display her affections on her blog . Haha!




And you can do this test if you are as bo liao as me.

Kidding la!

Just do it k! You'll make my day :)

Leaderboard
Create your own Friend Test here



PS: It IS difficult. But that's the point of a test rite :P

 
 

Kiss My Ass

I was driving today when I came accross this.
























Nothing unusual. The taxi just stopped by the kerb to pick up a passenger.
By the way, here is the legend.




























Legend



The Legend is in accordance to vehicle measurements.
Taxi = 2 - 2.2 lit
Me = 1.5 - 1.6 lit
Fat Merc = >2.5 lit

So I did what any driver would have done, I signaled and attempted to overtake the stationary taxi.

But then, guess what Mr Fugly Merc did?

Anyway, Fugly means fat&ugly or freaking ugly or what ever you think it means, so long as you get the picture(pun intended!)


























He sped up and high beam-ed me!

Let me justify my stand, if you are able to high beam the car in front, it means that you are aware of his intentions and that you are alert. Also, it means that you are trying to feign ignorance and not give way to him.

Just because you are rich and fugly doesn't mean that the cute and tiny Nissan has to let you have it your way, ie the wrong way!

With my signal lights blinking, I inched into his lane.

And surprise surprise...

























Mr Fugly Merc got horny with me. And everyone could hear how loud he was at me.

I mean, it is not as though he is unable to emphasise with the situation I was caught in.

Plus, I signaled.

And, I did not charge out of my lane abruptly.

Also, he was not that close behind me.

His fault. Period.

It was a happy ending because I got what I wanted and Mr Fugly Merc can KISS MY ASS!
















 
 

Train Commuters I Just Cannot Stand!

Champion


Mr Pungent

He thinks perfume is free.

Either that, or he intended to be a mobile potpourri.

Faint-o-meter: Bearable




Mr Nicotine

He smells of cigarettes

Clothes, breath, looks.

If only there is an odor function on computers to better illustrate him.

Faint-o-meter: Face crumples and moves away




Mr Sweaty

It is mid to late afternoon on a weekday. He is usually in his secondary school PE attire, or that stinky yellowish (originally crisp white) looking badminton t-shirt.

He shoulders his humongous gym bag snugly and walks into the train with a tired looking gaze, often accompanied by a few more friends ie Mr Sweaty 1, Mr Sweaty 2 etc.

Faint-o-meter: Holds breath and shifts away from the moment they are spotted outside the train doors




The Ultimatum

Botak.

Black plastic framed glasses.

Boots.

Big bag.

Bo chap attitude.

Book out together with his friends.

The military guy!

Or worse, the BMT noob!

Faint-o-meter: On the spot

 
 

Train Commuters I Just Cannot Stand!

1st Runner Up



The Loudspeaker comes in 3 forms, namely, the ABCs.


Announcer

He has to let the entire cabin know that he is on the line.

His conversation usually goes like this “Hello? Huh? Cannot hear you properly ar, reception not very good. Ya ya reaching ready, now at Bugis ready. Ya, in the train now. Ok. Uh. Bye. ”

If he does not speak English, the volume will be even louder. For example “Hello? Huh? 听不到，听不到， 我在tunnel里面。要到了啦， 在Bugis 了。啊bye bye.”

If he speaks in dialect, he is most probably arguing and swearing at someone.

If he speaks in a foreign tongue, I may not be able to comprehend the essence of his conversation, but volume is a universal language.




Blaster

He is usually alone and has his mp3 player tuned up so high that I suspect he went to zeng the volume device.

He listens to techno, trance or R&B hip hop and you must listen to them loud, if not buay song.

When he is around, the singer’s diction somehow seems clearer as compared to when I listen to them on my own mp3 player.

No, my mp3 player is not lousy you stupid.




Chatter

Yak and yak and yak.

I understand that people tend to talk loudly and are more expressive when they are in groups.
But it jus sucks when you are not in the group and trying to get some sleep.

 
 

Train Commuters I Just Cannot Stand!

2rd Runner Up


The Dozer


He sleeps ever so soundly despite being exposed to complete public scrutiny.

He does not feel the least bit vulnerable.

I mean, some people drool, snore, get chocked by their own snores, and open their mouth in an amusing ‘collect rain water angle’ when they are in deep slumber.

And then there are those who bob and sway, and its damn sway to sit beside them.

His shoulders keep hitting you and the screw-loose head comes close to landing atop your shoulders from time to time.

It often starts with infrequent and irregular nods then progress to frequent increasingly aggressively bobs with a final startling drop that will alert him.

The most threatening one tends to stem from the one who is down with sleep-with-mouth-open syndrome. Because when he rocks his head, it disturbs the saliva equilibrium level that has been accumulating. You never know if it reached the maximum holding capacity. And no, you will not want to find out either.

Usually I’ll either administer the tsk-loudly-and-annoyingly-at-him method or employ the I-just-cannot-sit-still-and-have-to-keep-moving-in-my-seat method to nudge him out of my comfort zone.

He has to learn to sleep in a way that not affect the people beside him. Because sometimes he remains oblivious to my 'tsks' and that irks me even more.

 
 

Train Commuters I Just Cannot Stand!

3rd Runner Up

The Auntie


The auntie that de-roots beansprouts on the train during her journey.


The auntie who plonks the entire handbag she kiaps under her armpits onto the ezlink detectors while exiting the fare gates.
And the card is not detected.
And a line of people behind her comes to an abrupt standstill.
And a miniature crowd starts to collude.
And everyone has to wait for her to place her bag in another way so that she can hopefully get the green light.
And than it does not work and she has to fish out her purse amidst all the tissue paper inside her bag.
And than I get damn pissed off.


The kiasu aunties that stand in the middle of the train doors and rush in against the flow of exiting passengers so that they get to rest their 屁股on the seat.


The 2 aunties who are out together, with the pro-active one rushing in first and standing in front of a seat to chope it.
And then she goes “你坐啦！” to the laggy auntie with a pressured smile.
“不用紧啦， 你坐咯.” laggy auntie replies.
“你坐啦， 你的站比我的远leh.” pro-active aunty insists.
“没有啦。你坐，你坐。” Laggy auntie says good naturedly.
Pro-active auntie sits down on her prized seat.
Duh!


I WILL NOT succumb to this kind of auntie behaviour!

Or at least, I'll be an auntie with some crass!!!

Oops.

I meant Class!

 
 

Train Commuters I Just Cannot Stand!

Haha. That’s why I am always late when I meet people. Because I will purposely take the eastbound train to Pasir Ris first before heading towards town in attempt to secure myself a seat.

Anyway I’ve been taking the train almost every other day from Tampines to Dover for the past 6 years. So I think I am more or less qualified to rant about irritating commuters on board!

So here goes :P


Consolation Prize (in no particular order)


The Spreader

The spreader is usually male and needs to bring along the entire stack of Straits Times to show cheapo TODAY readers that he is keeping himself abreast with quality news.

He eats into your space at moments when he gingerly flips the pages of the main section while balancing the Home, Life and Classified sections on his lap, atop his leather briefcase.

And yes, there are times when I suspect that his main purpose is not to keep up with daily happenings but rather to air his armpits. That’s why he has to flip the pages ever so deliberately and hold them up at such a wide angle – air circulation.



Mr ‘I Have Big Balls’


In some ways, you can consider him a subset species of The Spreader (mentioned above). As his name suggest, he is bestowed with physical assets (ahem! sparkly family jewels) that are LARGER THAN LIFE and is unable to self-contain them on his own.

He is not only a hindrance to those sitting beside him but to those standing around him as well because you just cannot help but look at him down there and go “TSK!”.

That will make him more conceited because he knows he is getting the attention and feel fuller about himself. If you know what I mean. Yucks!



The Powerhouse

Mini system + huge woofer + lousy sound card = Baby’s cries

I know that it’s not the baby’s fault that he/she has to wail, but admit it, you’d prefer if it wasn’t there.




More updates on the top three contenders in the following posts :)

 
 

This is a video only ti-ko-peks will enjoy.

And looking at the number of hits it managed to garner, I can safely conclude that ah-peks watch Youtbe too!

Haha.

In case you were wondering, NO! I did not finish watching the entire thing. Its too tacky.


 
 

Lup Sup Beauty & Health Center





















Seriously, I think they should just brand themselves “Lup Sup Beauty & Health Center”.

I mean, if “Luap Luap” doesn’t spell sleazy, I don’t know what other word does.

Ok. It’s not officially a word recognized by the proper standards of English, but whatever.

They were not being the least bit discreet about their services anyway. Or is it that I am too shallow and tainted by society’s branding stereotypes?

From the outlook and design of the poster, I reckon it's for cheap gays.

Anyway if you are a STRAIGHT guy, will you prefer a male or female masseuse? Won’t you feel violated if a man were to touch, kneed and squeeze you?

You can tag anonymously :P

PS: Perhaps 'luap' is a mispronunciation of the word 'rub'?